I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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