We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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