you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
