I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
