Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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