She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My bed smells like the plague
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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