forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
