I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I cannot find my penis.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
