My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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