Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
