Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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