Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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