they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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