it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
