my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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