2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
