I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
