if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
