Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
