she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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