I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
