I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
