I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
