While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
