Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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