Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
