turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and she was petting her beer can
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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