so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
