my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
