soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
