I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
