I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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