i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
