Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
