community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
