There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
