i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
