Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
