i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
