Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
