ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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