we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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