ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
