Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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