I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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