R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
