um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
