i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
