this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
