What did we do last night that was yellow?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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