He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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